I am at the end of a 7 year relationship. I can still remember how happy I was when my ex and her daughter came to live with me about 6 years ago. Over time things shifted between my partner and me. It was really sad. And now they are gone and I am lonely. Sometimes I feel worthless, hopeless and like it makes no sense to keep trying to do things, since this relationship did not work out. A wise friend pointed out how much joy and love I shared with my girlfriend and her daughter. How much laughter and support. So was I wrong to get involved with her since it did not work out? No, it was a time of great learning for me and healing too. And I think it was for them as well. Though it is painful now, this pain will pass and the benefits and added richness to my life will linger. Here is another irony. I was scared of having this breakup. The things I loved about us being together, I did not want to lose, even though the relationship was no longer satisfying in many ways. My fear of loss kept me from taking action. Eventually my girlfriend decided to leave me. And you know what? The pain of loneliness is not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. In the half dead relationship there was a lot of loneliness too but I held on for the little juice that was left. And though I wish I could have spared my girlfriends daughter from the pain of this breakup and kept her fun, young energy in my life, I am in many ways liberated. There was so much my girlfriend could not accept about me, So many ways catering to her held me back from being me. I did not expect the joy of freedom that has also accompanied our breakup. That happiness is there and it is strong. If I had left more room for not knowing, I could have had a much easier time of it. I could have stayed in a place of appreciation for what we did have, while also being aware of what was missing. But of course I probably needed the thing to end before I could really see it clearly. Reading When Things Fall Apart is helpful.
When Things Fall Apart, Heart Advice for Difficult Times
by Pema Chodron.
The book is available for purchase here on the website: When Things Fall Apart
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